Performing in class: Physical Destination.

So, what did I experience in this exercise?

First of all, the diagram was good. I didn't even have to tell people what to do -- they completely understood and moved the right furniture to the right places. That gave me a chance to focus on something else (talk to the instructor, for example), but I could've used this chance with greater benefit.

The stress came from one mistake I made. I wore my casual cloths today, and in the scene demanded being dressed up for work. With that I tried to modify the scene to fit my outfit. I came up with a few things, but it wasn't perfect. Now, I ran out of time and had to go to class. In class, I kept trying, which was gave me some room to maneuver. The pressure was on, however, when I came onstage, I stopped trying and that's when my final opportunities came - while everyone was looking at my diagram, I had a minute to tell the professor and the class about my difficulties.

Had I not been thinking how to modify the scene, I wouldn't have any options for the professor: make disbelief of the wrong cloths or pretend that I had the wrong laptop (The scene would've worked with dress-down cloths if I had a work laptop with me -- but I had my mac.)

My next opportunity was created by Joseph Daily himself. His experience helped him recognize that something is wrong with my game plan for the scene. He didn't know exactly what it was, so he offered me a side step: "scene too short, take your cloths off and spend time putting them on." My instinct told me that I could easily do it, but my mind said -- I shouldn't have. So, I didn't go for it and instead settled for previously prepared "loose the socks and belt thing." I did not see this as an opportunity, because I thought that looking for opp-s to improve the scene should end before I come onstage.

BTW, about taking cloths off:
There is something wrong about planning nakedness. That just means that you feel that your dramatic abilities are lacking in the scene you're preparing, so you need to fall back on a cheap thrill - bare skin. But, if somebody challenges you, then it's different. The challenge means that they believe you can do better, and you just need a push. Just like when the twelve-year-old Joshua doesn't want to go to his soccer practice. He needs a little push. This works most of the time. But, there are days when it doesn't. Such days feel morbid. Joshua, finally agreeing to go to practice is like me agreeing to take cloths off. It's right only if it feels right.

The next opportunity came to socialize with John (scene partner) when I bumped into him in the bathroom. I seized it and had a very revealing conversation with him. There were 2-3 opportunities to learn about him in the conversation by asking the right questions. I did it. Though, in the end, he gave me an opportunity to find out what he did for a living. But, I shied away from it.

A side thought:
it's better when something doesn't work in the beginning. It's better to work through the glitches, when the pressure of failure is relatively low. The higher we get, the pressure to fail is higher because there is a lot at stake. But, this is only the case, when one doesn't do it right. Basically, each effort should have a benefit. If one can't see the benefit -- one should try hard to realize what the benefit might be, or avoid doing the task. One needs to keep trying to lower the pressure of failure on every level.

So, something going wrong in the beginning of my semester, just gives me more time to work on the problem, than if I figured this out one week before the end of the semester. Let's be frank, missing opportunities is not a good thing. It's a problem. But, missing one opportunity is not the problem itself - it's a manifestation of a faulty approach. Fixing the approach will take a long time -- it just needs practice. One is getting better at it with every little success.

In retrospect:
This happened during the improvisation two weeks ago. The instructor asked if I was ready to do a scene. I wasn't, so I told him that. Instantly I felt that I missed my chance -- I was itching to act that day. So, I just looked for the next opportunity. Every time he looked at the list of students to pair someone up for the improvisation, I imagined that it would be me and tried to prepare mentally. There were some people that I felt uncomfortable acting with, and some people that I felt very comfortable, but it turned out that I received a neutral person... and I thought I did well. Though, I was so overwhelmed, I did not tell her right after the scene that she did great.

Today, I had a fear of not knowing how to do the scene. I didn't feel like laboring through it. I felt that I did my homework and performing it on-stage should be a walk in the park. I didn't confront my fear. One needs to do something one is afraid of doing in that moment. I did not believe that I deserved to succeed because I mad the initial mistake - wearing wrong cloths.

So, in the scene, I did what was easy (hugging John, taking socks and belt off), rather what was necessary: (1) having a conversation with John about why I really am late on "delivering the second part of the script" (that was our predicament) or (2) taking some of my essential cloths off.

So, the end result of the scene was not just one missed opportunity. It was a whole slew of them one after another. I didn't miss all of them -- just the critical mass.

So, that is what was wrong with my technique. If I think, I have ability to do something well, and I miss a chance, then I will probably have another chance, and if I don't, I won't feel bad about it because I will have tried my best till the end.